Mom's Death and the New Dynamics

There is still so much to tell about Mom; things I could have been sharing for a while now but haven’t made the time for. I guess I just want to echo Reese’s sentiments; that despite Mom’s wisdom that I would endure, that the pain will ease, that I am a strong individual, I miss her so much that sometimes I really can’t bear it. I miss everything from the profundities of Mom’s love, like the support she gave me at my weakest and most vulnerable, to the most mundane trivialities, like the sounds of the game Cubis sounding off in the background as we talked on the phone.

I miss ducking my head into her apartment uninvited to find her enmeshed in the computer, a large fan on hi-speed blowing air two feet from her head, and the TV blaring obnoxiously. Her apartment was always cluttered while a sulky, fat, lazy cat, Abby, sat perched on top of the sofa cushions or in the big middle of a narrow passage one must chart if you are to make your way to the other side of the living room (all the while she hisses at you as if you are in her way).

I miss her endearing laugh, her Southern accent, and accompanying her to our regular dining establishments at Sol Azteca or Kin Lin.

I miss hanging out with her at the Law School where she would always make a point to take me around and show me off to all her friends and coworkers.

I miss so much about her.

Lauren made a point that Mom was the center of the family; she was the glue that held everything together, tedious as that job was, torn as she was attempting this. She is right and this is important to understand. Now it is up to the remaining family to forge a relationship that was in so many ways vicarious. I saw my brother Reese when he came to visit Mom, my uncle Rick and aunt DeAnne when Mom arranged a visit for them.

My cousins Austin and Kelsey whom I haven’t seen in over ten years made their way to the memorial which was so wonderful, but we don’t have much of a relationship, although we’ve planned to stay in touch since Mom passed. I hope we can keep it up.

These are parts of how Mom brought people together. It demonstrates the extent to which she was a family center. She brought me together with my friends Rob and Flo whom I hadn’t been in touch with for months. She brought out folks she had been corresponding with through email support groups for folks living with or have lived through cancer.

She also revealed who the snakes were; who wore the facade of love for Mom. If there was anything good that came of Mom’s death, it is precisely the above dynamics that have been brought to the fore.