New Changes

Mom's health is deteriorating. Her hospice nurse, Terri, suspects that she is suffering mini strokes and that the cancer may have spread to her brain. I've noticed that her last emails contained misspelled words, and if you know Mom, she is perfect on punctuation and grammar. I asked Terri how much time she believes she has and guessed a week. But there is no way to know for sure. She has been acting and talking differently for over a day and that is a real indication that things are changing.

I don't want anyone to feel that they have to make a rush visit now to see Mom. I'm going up there on Thursday to be with her. If she makes an upturn, I'll come back to New Orleans, but otherwise, I'll be with her til the end. She'll do best with me and my sister-in-law, Bobbi.

I can't even begin to explain how I feel. Right now, I'm numb. I feel like I'm sleepwalking through my work day. When Reese, my brother, first called me almost exactly six months ago (May 14th) to tell me Mom has less than a year to live, I was hysterical. But Mom still seemed the same, so I got used to it. It was like nothing was wrong, other than her typical difficult health.

Even though Mom's mind is slipping, she is still there. Her good friend Ana Maria told me that she is not her mind and that her essence still resides with her; that is, until her essence leaves her body, her shell, and changes into something else. Maybe she'll be the air we breathe, or the fire that keeps us warm. Maybe she'll go into some other dimension and live some new, highly intelligent existence. Either way, I'm sure, Mom will always be. Stephen Hawking's theory of black holes and the disappearance of matter was disproved because the basic premise of physics is that matter never disappears, it simply changes. Of course, this was a paper theory, but so was Hawking's.

Mom will change. That's all...

I was just now interrupted by my boss who told me that my co-worker's mother-in-law just died after choking on a pill. Just now. How bizarre is that? Life is crazy. I hope he and his wife will be okay.

A lot of people love Mom, some I don't even know, some I'm not on speaking terms with. But no matter what, Mom is that thread that holds it together for all of us. As far as the family goes, I was just talking with Reese last night about how we were once a unit, all concentrated in Oklahoma. Then Reese left for Nashville in 1991 to pursue a successful career in songwriting. This set the ball in motion. Now those still living are separated, half of us estranged from the other half.

When Mom passes that thread will break. But perhaps not. Perhaps it will draw us closer. I'm doubtful.

Either way I'm happy I've had the time with Mom. She is the best Mom in the whole world, next to everyone elses. All our Moms are the best ones. You can't replace them. Aaron's Mom is the best. Mac's Mom is the best. I remember both of those great ladies. Perhaps Mom will meet with them.

Perhaps all of this is in vain, and Mom pulls out and makes it another six months and kicks out another fifty blogs. Perhaps her cancer goes into a mystical remission and she lives another thirty years. I'd like to believe that. My Mom is my best friend and I can't imagine not being able to talk with her several times a week for hours on end.

This blog will continue on. I'll continue to update it and share stories about her. We talked last night and while she wasn't as coherent as she normally is, she was so excited that I'd keep it up. And it'll be from my perspective. I want to share an aspect of Mom that only I could tell. Maybe y'all want to write something about her and I can post it to the blog. I'll be happy to publish the thoughts and experiences of others as it relates to Mom's life.

We love you, Mom.