May all the dogs I have ever loved carry my coffin, howl at the moonless sky and lie down with me sleeping when I die. ~Erica Jong
I've had the most wonderful two or three days of my life this week. So many surprises came through flowers, e-mails from people I had lost track of, news of loved ones. Krisna called last night and told me he and Lauren will be here for Thanksgiving and my heart just soared. I knew they were going to try and come when they could, but each day is a gift now and time is of the essence. I didn't want them to wait too long. I think I'll still be able to sit up and enjoy them if they come in November. That's my plan anyway.
I also received this beautiful bouquet of flowers from my beautiful friend Ana Maria, all the way from Barcelona, Spain. The flowers brought such happiness to my heart, but the thought of Ana Maria's sweetness were, oh, so much sweeter even than the flowers.
This is Ana Maria, smiling at me from clear across the Atlantic. What a lovely friend she is. My soul-sister.
I also heard from my long lost daughter-in-law, Allene. Through life changes like divorce, much can be lost and the two of us lost track of each other. We didn't plan it, nor did we take care and maintain our friendship, so that all of a sudden we were no longer a part of each other's lives. I was thrilled to hear from her, as she was me I think when I answered her. She wanted to express her sorrow about my health condition and I have just learned of so much sorrow and loss she has had to endure throughout these long years. Allene and I once shared a very special time with each other as we pursued our first fledgling interests in The Course in Miracles. The Course became a lamp and guide for us as we delved into our spiritual selves, both learning that we are spiritual beings having a physical experience and that we are not our bodies, but oh, so much more. To rekindle the love we shared, even if for a short time, will be important and meaningful to us both.
Tonight I cannot take credit for anything that's written, but I got this in the mail from my sister-in-law and thought it worth sharing. I have no idea who wrote it and I'm sorry I can't give her credit.
I've had the most wonderful two or three days of my life this week. So many surprises came through flowers, e-mails from people I had lost track of, news of loved ones. Krisna called last night and told me he and Lauren will be here for Thanksgiving and my heart just soared. I knew they were going to try and come when they could, but each day is a gift now and time is of the essence. I didn't want them to wait too long. I think I'll still be able to sit up and enjoy them if they come in November. That's my plan anyway.
I also received this beautiful bouquet of flowers from my beautiful friend Ana Maria, all the way from Barcelona, Spain. The flowers brought such happiness to my heart, but the thought of Ana Maria's sweetness were, oh, so much sweeter even than the flowers.
This is Ana Maria, smiling at me from clear across the Atlantic. What a lovely friend she is. My soul-sister.I also heard from my long lost daughter-in-law, Allene. Through life changes like divorce, much can be lost and the two of us lost track of each other. We didn't plan it, nor did we take care and maintain our friendship, so that all of a sudden we were no longer a part of each other's lives. I was thrilled to hear from her, as she was me I think when I answered her. She wanted to express her sorrow about my health condition and I have just learned of so much sorrow and loss she has had to endure throughout these long years. Allene and I once shared a very special time with each other as we pursued our first fledgling interests in The Course in Miracles. The Course became a lamp and guide for us as we delved into our spiritual selves, both learning that we are spiritual beings having a physical experience and that we are not our bodies, but oh, so much more. To rekindle the love we shared, even if for a short time, will be important and meaningful to us both.
Tonight I cannot take credit for anything that's written, but I got this in the mail from my sister-in-law and thought it worth sharing. I have no idea who wrote it and I'm sorry I can't give her credit.
"I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken back by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.
"I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avaunt garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?
"I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50 and 60's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.
"I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.
"I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.
"Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart, not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
"I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think and say.I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.
"So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be.
"And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it.)"
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