Back to Work!

I took a little time off from my writing, though I refuse to let life overtake me again and render me powerless to think or write coherently. My life had taken on such a whirlwind effect between tests and doctor’s appointments, phone calls and daily duties that I needed to re-group. I’d done a lot since my diagnosis...took a trip to New Orleans, continued with tests, tried to coordinate my body with the new pain medications I was on, engaged people to help with my housework and washing, became involved in an on-line cancer support group, planned my funeral, etc. Whew! Finally I just sort of collapsed from the effort and took time to think.

I had a wonderful reunion with my two sons in New Orleans and I closed a chapter of my life with my daughter. We had been estranged for a couple of years...not our first time...and the trip to New Orleans let me put closure to a relationship that I had long wanted but now accept I will never have. That took me many hours of reflection, however, and it was something from which I had to think about, then put away. I finally realized that I can’t fix the unfixable.

For awhile I expected to be getting radiation to shrink a tumor which makes my back and leg hurt and which is becoming increasingly larger and more painful. However, my Lupus disease is not compatible with radiation, my particular kind of cancer is not compatible with radiation, and I learned the tumor is not on my backbone, but in my pelvis, which would put my colon in jeopardy if we radiated. It wasn’t ever meant to be a cure...only a tool to help with discomfort...so I took it on the chin with no great disappointment. But it’s taken three doctor appointments to get the pain medication adjusted where I am pretty comfortable all the time. Of course, as is usually the case, medication can be a double sided sword and can create more problems in another area. Naturally mine did. Most or all of the kinks have now been worked out and I am actually getting through most of my days and nights now with relative ease.

My brother and sister-in-law came from Colorado to visit for a long weekend...the first time I’ve seen them in a couple of years. We had a wonderful time and I kept up pretty well physically. I got too hot in this Missouri weather and had to come home earlier than I wanted to, but we got out each day and enjoyed things in Kansas City that I wouldn’t have done by myself. I hated to see them leave, but I was grateful for the gift of their company.

I’ve had some new thoughts about this disease and how long it’s been in my body, but I’ll save that for the next entry. For now I’ll just say that I’m happy to be back on the job with my blog and I appreciate all those who wrote and were concerned about me. I apologize for such a long delay.