This is the way I like to spend my Friday

Whew. Yesterday I spent the entire day going from one doctor's appointment to another...literally. I started at 8 am and didn't finish until 4 pm. I learned in the first two hour test that my esophogus and larynx are not healthy. I even came away from that test with a living color photo of the inside of my throat. It is not a pretty sight and verges on looking obscene.

I have GERD, a very unattractive name for acid reflux. In order to have a healthy esophogus and stop choking on liquids, here is what I should avoid: coffee, tea, carbonated beverages, fruit juices, chocolate, oils, margerine, salad dressing, mayo, pepper, onion, garlic, citrus fruit, peppermint, spearmint, cinnamon, alcohol, cream, cream sauces, fried food, herbs, very hot or very cold foots, spices, and tomato products, to name a few. What I can have is skim milk, skim cheese, skim yogurt, poultry and fish, breads, ceereals, crackers, fruit (not citrus), noodles, potatoes, rice, and vegetables with no fat added. Or pepper. Or spices. I should also avoid cigarettes, lose weight, and tight girdles or corsets. Well, why not just shoot me now? How can anyone enjoy a bowl of dry noodles or rice without even a dab of butter or spices? I guess it depends on how badly I want to stop choking on a sip of liquid. They didn't mention having to give up sex, though my social calendar has been a bit lean anyway in the last few years and that's probably a good thing. I couldn't breathe if I got too excited about anything.

My next two hour visit was in the Pulmonology lab where I had a methocholine (sp?) test. I had to inhale increasingly strong doses of methocholine (a chemical of some kind), which restricts breathing if you have asthma. They started out with .1% and work steadily up to 16% methocholine. When your breathing is restricted by 20% they stop the test, because that is an indication you have a pretty good case of asthma. I reached 20% on the 8% inhalation.

The end result of both tests is that between the GERD, which could be causing a backlash of acid and aspiration into the lungs, and the asthma, it is no wonder that I am short of breath. I already knew I had some fibrosis on my lungs, a small nodule (which the doctor doesn't seem worried about) and multiple "bleps". Hmmm. The doc has called it COPD. So I wonder what it is I really do have? Fibrosis? Asthma? COPD? Blepism? Who knows? I just can't breathe very well, but I am glad to know I have something I can call it. And some ego-saving excuse for being celibate.

My third and last visit was to the opthalmologist, who I have to see 4 times a year, which is a real drag, because of a medicine I take for Lupus. My eyes are always okay, thankfully, and it's just a horribly long drive clear across Kansas City. I was worn out by the time I finished the day.

I don't recommend spending your Fridays this way. It sucked.

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